Marcus – The Heaviness

I was perfectly content just laying on my back, sprawled out on the plush carpeting covering the floor as my fingers curled in the soft fabric beneath my hands. In the two hours I’d being laying I had managed to forget the outside world even existed and instead memorised every little speck upon the discoloured ceiling, using my imagination to morph the little dots and dashes of dirt into a storytelling image. This was the best way to calm myself when I could feel the heaviness coming. Stop. Drop. Freeze. That was my motto. I would lay down and cease to move for as long as it took, it was the safest way and nearly always worked for me.

My mother used to force me to move from the floor and actually talk about my emotions to her. It was awful. She tried to understand, bless her. “C’mon, Marcus. Just talk to me, a problem shared is a problem halved,” “Maybe I can help you?” “Let me support you through your struggles, it’s what i’m here for, love.” My mother was nothing but persistent, i’ll give her that and I couldn’t help but love her more for it, but how was I supposed to help her understand what was going on inside my head when I had no clue myself? I had no control over the heaviness, it was just a thing that appeared slowly and became a part of me. I didn’t understand it. I didn’t know why it was there and I sure as hell didn’t know how to get rid of it. I was give in to her whims though, spilling a few of my secrets so she thought she was helping. There was no way I could tell her it all though, I didn’t want the heaviness to take over her too. What if I was contagious?

This is why I loved being able to just lay on the floor in peace here. Now that I’d moved away to university, I had the privacy of my own dorm room and no caring adults to intrude at the wrong moment and disrupt my calm. I was able to lie on the floor for as long as I wanted and wait out the heaviness. I could just locked my door and enjoy the company of my imagination and myself. What was better than that? Probably nothing. Except of course if there was no heaviness to begin with.

~

Thump. Thump. “Marcus! Pre-drinks in ten! Don’t even think of pussying out tonight!”

The impact of his palm against the oaken door painfully pulled me from my thoughts and flung me back into reality. Okay.. so there were some interruptions, but hey-ho at least they were fun. As a quiet grunt emitted from my lips, I quickly pushed myself to my feet before turning my gaze to the door. “Alright, dick’ead. Get me a beer!”

I had no clue why as guys we chose to talk to each other like that, it was just the done thing I guess. Eh, who cares really? I attempted to clear my head as I curled my fingers around the hem of my favourite adventure time tee, pulling the cotton over my head before tossing the item into the laundry pile in the corner. I couldn’t wear that out tonight if i had any chance of getting lucky tonight. Oh no. Instead I pulled a white shirt from my closet and quickly buttoned it up after pulling it on. Tie or no tie? Now that is the question. Maybe a tie would be too much.. It’s not time for a smart get up tonight. Right? Right. So.. Shirt, my trademark blacks skinny jeans and a little spritz of lynx. That’s as good as it is gonna get.

I quickly checked my hair in the mirror to slick down that stubborn lock on the crown of my head before heading out the door. I was instantly hit by the noise from the kitchen, the rowdy chatter signally that the pre-drinks were already underway. Ugh, I better not be the last one to arrive, I don’t think I can handle a shot of vodka this early into the evening. Hurrying my pace to the kitchen, I was met with a chorus of cheers from the idiots I call my housemates. “Oi oi, Marcus! Think fast!” And with that a nice cold can of bud was thrown straight at my face. Thank god for quick reflexes or i’d be going out with a black eye tonight. I was met with further cheers upon catching the can and flipping it’s tab open. These guys’s must already be on their way to drunk if they find that entertaining.

I shuffled my way over to the nearest gap between a couple of my roommates, placing the edge of my ass on the side of the chair so at least i could half sit whilst the activities got underway.

“So what’s up first, guys? Ring of fire?”

And once again I was met with cheers as various people began talking all at once. “Someone get the cards!” “I need a bottle opener!” I hope Jack gets the dirty pint again. Chunder king! Chunder king!”

I couldn’t help but smile, they’re all so happy and content just getting drunk and having fun. They made it look so easy so I may as well join them, right? It’s not like I’ll be able to lie on the floor all night long with everyone making as much noise as they are. I took a large sip of my beer, the fix tingling my tongue as I followed the foul liquid. Why I why do I always start on beer. This shit is disgusting.

“Chug, chug, chug! You gotta catch up, M.” “Shut it, Beth.”

I flashed her a faux grumpy smile before doing as she said, bringing the can to my lips once again as I attempted to open my throat, swallowing the liquid as quickly as possible. I just needed to down the pint before I could switch to spirits and mixer, I’d be on even footing with everyone else then considering I’m such a lightweight.

“God, I don’t know how you guys drink this crap every night.” I slammed my can down on the table before wiping my lips with the back of my palm, the grimace visible on my features. “Man up, Marcus. Beer is a man’s drink!”

Rolling my eyes, I ignored the Cam’s shouts before reaching for an empty glass upon the table before grabbing the nearest bottle of fizz. Lemonade. That’ll do. My gaze followed the bubbles as I slowly poured the liquid before gently nudging my elbow toward Bethany beside me. “Hey Beth, pass me the vodka?”

-End Part 1